Props To (And From) Williams Lake

Guns for Show, Knives for a Pro

If it's Monday, I must be in Williams Lake, British Columbia.

Today's business trip has taken my boss William and I deep into the heart of "Cariboo Country" - a patchwork of a region stitched together from three very distinct BC areas: The Cariboo (middle of BC, and east towards the Rockies), Chilcotin (more central) and Coast (a tiny snippet of seawall out west that encompasses islands you can only get to by ferry, floatplane or packmule. Okay, that last one I made up). Williams Lake is in the Cariboo part of CCC, accessed by us via 20-seater prop-plane.

Unlike other regions in BC, this one stretches sort of sideways. Williams Lake is the sort of place where they sell guns and saddles in shops. They have a history of gold panning. Our "Overlander Hotel" overlooks the mills and about 80 billion logs. The universal uniform is jeans and a baseball/cowboy hat. At 15,000 people, this is a big town. But the folks here sure are friendly...

...take, for example, the guy William and I met today. Let's call him "Crazy Redneck".

Following our entertaining meeting with the CCC regional team, William and I sat chatting outside the hotel, which comes conveniently with an attached restaurant, Carmen's, and a "Cold Beer and Wine Store".

A truck pulls up and out staggers a 30-something guy, reeking of beer and carrying two un-sheathed, evil-looking hunting knives, a grindstone and a bag of dark somethings. It's 2.3opm. He mumbles: "Yup, cigarette. Good idea" and then sits down on the bench and proceeds to burble at us. He's absolutely, unapologetically wankered. He does not care for our silly big-city "debriefing" bollocks. He wants to chat and slump at us.

And he's got two knives, so he wins.

He mumbles something about being on time. "To do what?" I ask. Of course, it's a TREMENDOUS idea to engage a pissed-up redneck with two knives in a full conversation.
"Whatever Pat tells me to do," he says.
"Who's Pat?" I ask.
"You don't know Pat?" he shoots back, disgusted.
"Erm, no, we just got here. We're tourists". William and I point to our suitcases, which we're not sure he's acknowledged. Along with the date, the year, his name or anything else that might be pertinent.
"Oh," he snorts, and seems tickled by this. "I thought you guys worked here. It's my first day,"
"Doing what?"
"I'm the chef at the restaurant. I cook stuff".
OF COURSE YOU ARE, we think, and make a mental note not to eat at Carmen's. EVER.
"That's why I have this," he sort of slumps towards a large ziplock bag.
"What are they? Dried mushrooms?"
"Chipotles"
"Ah, of course."
"Yeah, my buddy just sent me 1200 lbs of them from Chiapas"
"1200lbs?"
"He owed me money so he paid me in chillies."
OF COURSE HE DID.
"So you now have 1200 lbs in your one-bedroom apartment?" William jokes.
He laughs. "Yeah, well, sort of."
"So what's your specialty? What sort of food do you like to cook?"
"Ummm, I really like doing Japanese and German stuff."
OF COURSE YOU DO.

William and I ate at Denny's instead.

Admittedly, the potential chipotle-sashimi-bratwurst special could have been enticing. But I have to live long enough to get the hell out of here. ;-)))

Frack me! Part Le Deux

Pity poor Canadian actor/Vanhoover native Alessandro Juliani, out for a morning stroll with his girlfriend, coffee in hand, ready to peruse the Trout Lake Farmer's Market in peace, when whom should accost him?

"You see that guy with the curly hair," Dan sez as I'm haggling for the last two pieces of The Iron Maiden's albacore tuna, "that's the dude who plays Felix Gaeta on Battlestar Galactica."

And she's off!

Mikala: Hello, I'm so sorry to bother you, but I just want to say (whispers) we're massive Battlestar fans.
Alessandro: (Beaming) Awesome! (Puts up a hand to high-five me, which I do).
M: Yeah, sorry about your X (plot spoiler not revealed for those who haven't caught up).
A: (Laughs)
M: You guys aren't still filming now are you?
A: Nope, it's over now. We're done for good.
M: Yeah, I know. Though I am waiting for Caprica, the new show. I actually met Michael Trucco here at George in Yaletown a year ago and managed to really embarrass myself by going all Comic-Con on him and telling him I'd be quite depressed when it all finished. Felt like SUCH a nerd.
A: Nawww, you guys aren't wearing costumes, you're not nerds! But be prepared to be depressed...
M: Yeah, I left my Spock ears at home and I'm not wearing my Klingon forehead pasty but anyway...although to redeem my geekiness I will say that..which episode was it, Dan?
Dan: "Season 3, Episode 4"
M: Yeah, that one. We were literally jumping off the sofa for that episode...oh shit, we really are nerds aren't we...I should really go...
A: (Laughs)
M: Anyway, probably best if we leave you to your market shop. Nice to meet you!

Dan to Mikala: "Battlestar guy said we weren't nerds, hurrah!"

And I thought that the most exciting thing at Trout Lake on a Saturday were the tomatoes...

:-)

Hot CHiPs

The Bear Necessities

It may have escaped your notice, but over 40% of Canada is covered in dense forest, full of cool Canadian things like chipmunks, beavers and, ah... grizzly bears. And so Mikala and I, not being the sorts who are deterred by the possibility of a gruesome death at the claws of a savage wild beast, decided to up sticks and spend a few nights "roughing it" out in the remote forests of Birkenhead Lake, just north of Whistler.

Unfortunately the most "extreme" bivouacking that we'd done was a few nights at the V2003 music festival, where the only thing we had to worry about being attacked by were crusty students too pissed up to find their own tent. Fortunately we had experienced Sherpas, in the form of Gregg & Anita, to show us the ropes. Anita can do the mating call of a caribou (I shit ye not) and Gregg is slightly French Canadian, which means he is genetically pre-disposed to enjoy chopping wood.


So, on a hot, sunny Friday evening we all bundled into the Gregg mobile, our camping gear wrapped in tarpaulins and lashed to the roof-rack like a big, blue burrito, and set sail for the great outdoors!

Birkenhead is usually three hours drive North of Vancouver. I say "usually" because this does not factor in some bell-end flipping his truck on the highway and consequently stopping traffic in both directions for an hour and a half (he emerged from the crash unscathed, by the way, so I can lay on the scorn guilt-free).


Whilst this was a minor inconvenience for our crew, the poor lady in the car in front had a wedding cake MADE ENTIRELY OF ICE CREAM to deliver. That'll learn her for deviating from the classic fruitcake. Anyway...

When we finally arrived at our site, a secluded little clearing, away from prying eyes, we set about making camp with great gusto. Unfortunately it was pitch black and I didn't have a torch; neither did I realise that we were missing a piece of the tent we'd borrowed. After about an hour of me mincing around like a twat, Gregg found the missing tent piece and our humble abode was swiftly erected. Anita cooked us up some Bison Smokies and much beer ensued as we munched our hot dogs and looked up in bewilderment at the beautiful night sky.

The next morning it pissed it down with rain.

And then it stopped and the sun came out.

And then it started raining again.

And then it stopped and the sun came out.

And then is started raining again.

And so on and so forth, for the entire bloody day.

What this meant was that we had to keep switching from combats and anoraks to shorts and flip-flops all day. I reckon we had more wardrobe changes than bloody Madonna.

Fortunately our stalwart Sherpas came well prepared with ropes, tarps and a handy-dandy canopy, so the rain was, at worst, a minor inconvenience. We even managed to sneak in a quick swim in the lake while the sun was out, the scenery around which was breathtaking.


Mikala, being the woodland freak that she is, managed to make a new friend:


That afternoon Gregg chopped wood, Anita made more awesome camp tucker and Mikala and I provided moral support while drinking beer and chilling out.


In the evening we snuggled round the camp fire and told mysterious tales of teen-angst and school embarrassment. Which I won't bore you all with... what goes on camp stays on camp, I'm afraid! After a warming mug of cocoa, complete with marshmallows we called it a day and retired to our tee-pees.

The next day was fairly uneventful.


We chilled out and enjoyed the majestic scenery one more time before striking camp and re-burritoing the Volvo before heading back to civilisation for a much needed shower.


We had survived our first foray into the great Canadian outdoors!

Make Hay While the Sun Shines

The gorgeous and much-missed Suzanne Hay paid the TayCave a visit this past weekend, on a quick three-day post-LA-business trip visit to hot and sunny Vancouver, and boy were we lucky to have her...and she was lucky to catch The Couve during a freak humid patch weekend, and got to see the city in all its glory.

What'd we get up to? We visited the retardedly cute un-named lard duvet that is the baby Beluga at the Vancouver Aquarium, had a pub lunch on the seawall, hit Robson and Granville for some concentrated shop-age, met Dan for cocktails at George in Yaletown, then snaffled up many plates at the maddeningly loud (but still delish) Sanafir restaurant.

Saturday, it was roasting but we were up at dawn for a trip to Tomato Central and the Farmer's Market where we ran into a Battlestar Galactican (more in another post). Then it was off to one of Van's bazillion beaches for a mishmash-up with a rag-tag assortment of mates: (VanBFF) Joy, Julie & Pete, Arthur & Kylie, Anita and her mate Jasmine. We swam in the sea mulch and deep fried in the sand.
Saturday night sent us in separate directions: Dan to a house party at one of his video game n-yerd friends (I mean that in the nicest way) and me and Suze to the v.cool (if the air-con was working, which it wasn't) Cascade Room bar/resto to meet up again with Anita, hubby Gregg (a former goth after my own heart) and Jasmine. We then rendezvoused with Dan, headed back to ours and cracked open our treasured Bison Grass Zubrowka vodka, brought in live and direct from the UK.
Sunday, we went for a very slow-paced amble up Main Street and then chilled out on our patios. Too soon, it was airport o'clock for Ms. Hay and we bid our adieus. *sniff*

Best friends really should visit more often. Hint, hint. ;-))

We Provide Sustenance

Sometimes, we are so famous, even other bloggers write tributes to us.

Thanks Rahul - check out www.ok2passenge.blogspot.com for more nuggets of awesomeosity from the husband of Anna, the luvverly handmaiden of honour at our wedding.

Pride in Pictures

My first Vancouver Pride weekend (also known as "Dan Gets Uninterrupted Guys' Video Game Playing Weekend) kicked off with a merry street party on Davie on Friday night and much fun with lovely mates Colin and Pieter. The bash saw upwards of 5,000 quirky queers literally wedged into a street-long huge pen. Not that the happy homos minded, natch, as they love a tight squeeze. ;-) And I, as one of few lay-deez in the zoo, didn't mind either - I knew what seems like half of the boys there from my various nights out with the aforementioned C&P.

Anyway! Saturday was the "East Side Pride/Dyke March" (pic above - it's in our neighbourhood so went with a bunch of mates), followed by a BBQ at Trout Lake Saturday night.
Sunday brought amazing blue skies, good friends (Sarah, Brit and me, above) and about a half a million people (literally) to the two-hour+ long Parade with countless floats, Grand Marshall Gilbert Baker, who created the rainbow flag Pride symbol (pic below)...
...and some Ab-Fab costumes. All hail the Patsy & Edwina-alikes!

Sadly, all was not merry and gay. We had a hugely disappointing night out at a club (Sarah described the few attendees as: "Hi, my name's Nan. I play baseball. Like my white sweat socks?") on Sunday night, from which we vamoosed to go to a local costume party near our place...only to rock up, breathe a sigh of relief that it was heaving and then hear "Thank you for coming out, this is the last song"! Yargh. Still, a good time was had by all...until next Pride!

Northern Exposure

So I was up north a week ago on business doing some Very Important Work (TM) with the Northern BC region. The kind of work that is actually being put in front of Cabinet (not the Ikea kind, the political kind). I found myself a few nights in the horrendously zoned and un-pretty "big" city of Prince George (population 30K I think) and a small, pokey community about 40 clicks off of the fun "wooo, we're on our way to Alaska!" highway called Mackenzie - home of the...
Being in the North, and all, I desperately wanted to see a bear. And lo, everyone I came across up there in "Bear Country" promised me I would. "This road always has bears near it" my NBC colleague (Hilary, pictured above at Hart Lake) said as we drove through forests, sadly devastated by pine-beetle infestation. Ever see a black forest? I now have. Dubbed them "Goth Trees".

"Oh, we saw three bears this morning" another said. "Bears? Every day, pretty much - just down that road." "See that there field filled with blueberries? Bears there all the time." But do you think I saw a single, chuffing Teddy? WAHHHHHH! Clearly all the bears had received a memo that I was coming and decided to stay in deep cover, having their bloody picnics, sitting in other people's chairs and taking up arms. So, no bears.

Or anyfink else for that matter. In fact, when we rocked up at 7am to the Mackenzie Nature Preserve to see the oddbins there weighing and tagging birdies, they said to us "Nope, quiet morning. Not many in the nets today, but you just missed a hummingbird." So, what - I'm now scaring even sodding birds away? Finally, they came back with a few birds in the hand (the other two were in the bush, fnar) and I felt my city-slicker-curse wearing off. So finally, driving back from the marsh we did see a baby moose (mini moose?). Forgive my heinously rubbish camera, but the thing was miles away...Most exictingly (no, really, this was cool) - we found a fabulous lake teeming with tadpoles. Watch the video. Listen with the sound cranked up high. You'll learn something.